A Night With Vermin Supreme
Those who were lucky to experience “A Night With Vermin Supreme” this past Saturday witnessed a memorable night of comedy, sing-along, a media hoaxing documentary, and what some would call the political genius of an other-world prophet.
Mr. Supreme thanked the students for making his appearance possible with the mandatory student activity funds they paid for the “mandatory enforced entertainment” that evening. “That’s right friends, your hard earned dollars at work,” he said.
Supreme is a performance artist, anarchist, and activist known for running as an alternative candidate in various local, state and national elections in America since the ’80s. Along with this, he is a man of many ties, large toothbrushes, and a pioneer in the fashion trend of wearing rubber boots as hats.
As a presidential candidate in 2012, Supreme remarkably came in third in the New Hampshire primary by only a few votes. He was then able to take part in the New Hampshire presidential debate, where fringe candidates sat on a podium to discuss the vital issues of the day.
“He’s been an Internet legend,” said General Programming Coordinator (GPC) Ray Chalme who helped book Supreme. “And he promotes the counter-cultural ideals I think Purchase was founded on.”
David Grimaldi, co-GPC, said the two booked Supreme because he had the same agent as David Liebe Hardt, another performance artist who visited Purchase last fall. “Everyone loves Vermin,” Grimaldi said.
“I’m the only candidate who promises time travel research,” said Supreme to the packed cinema in the Stood. “I will fully fund time travel research and I will go back in time and I will kill baby hitler before he’s even born.” The audience erupted in applause before Supreme proceeded with his Internet-famous speech that originally aired on C-SPAN this past fall.
In the video, which quickly gained popularity on YouTube, Supreme wore his signature Wellington boot proudly on his head and announced his platforms, ending the speech with by “glitter bombing” conservative candidate Randall Terry.
Along with his promise of free ponies for all Americans, Supreme’s platform consists of zombie preparedness and “harnessing the awesome power of zombies in order to create energy utilizing giant zombie turbines.”
“Because as you know, gingivitis has been eroding the gum-line of this great nation of ours for long enough and must be stopped,” he said while reciting his famous lines. Supreme said that he had picked Jimmy McMillan as his vice president running mate in 2012 to promote the conjunction of “The Free Pony” and “The Rent is Too Damn High” parties.
Before the event, Supreme was spotted outside the Hub walking around with a megaphone amplifying the “Chicken Dance.” According to Supreme and wife Becky Supreme, they were stopped by four University Police officers after a call was made about a “disturbance on campus.”
“I guess we were playing the Chicken Dance too loud,” Supreme said on the matter.
Supreme’s platform, which also contains a mandatory toothbrushing law, was accompanied by a dental themed merchandise table complete with giant toothbrushes, miniature busts, My Little Ponies, and a floss box that read “Vote Vermin 2016!”
Assuring students to ignore false teeth prophets who say that a mandatory toothbrushing law is about “government issued toothpaste containing an addictive yet harmless substance,” Supreme later identified that if implemented the substance would probably be heroin.
Before the film aired, Supreme delighted the crowd with a set of songs he wrote, such as “Shopping Mall,” “Mr. T,” “Psycho Kitty,” and the fan-favorite, “Spudhead Mcgee.”
As Supreme chanted the words to “Spudhead Mcgee,” his wizard prowess captivated the crowd, hypnotizing them to sing along as he waved a rubber baby doll wearing demonic angel wings and a pirate hat.. The students, under his spell, proceeded to “wave their hands in the air like they just don’t care.”
After the lovely musical serenade, the film “Vote Jesus” was played following a Q&A. “Vote Jesus: The Chronicles of Ken Stevenson,” is a 2009 film chronicling Supreme’s parallel campaign where he ran as his alter ego, Ken Stevenson, a “televangelist, right-wing, anti-sodomite.” The documentary features Supreme’s infiltration of a series of events including the grand opening of the Creation Museum in Kentucky.
“He’s probably the most integral presidential candidate,” said sophomore TJ Stevenson after the event. Students promptly took advantage of the opportunity to take pictures with the Internet celebrity and presidential candidate.
In addition to running for President in 2016, Supreme is presently running for Mayor of Boston, Senator of Massachusetts, and Governor of Massachusetts all at once. “It’s a trifecta,” he said. His team is also working on a documentary called “Who is Vermin Supreme?” after being funded on a Kickstarter campaign last summer.
“This is the only man who can truly save america,” said sophomore Michael Hand. Supreme said that his team is always looking for people who can lend media related skills and platform ideas or organize rallies. Also, for anyone looking to get hitched, Supreme is a legally ordained Time Lord and Wizard at the Universal Life Church.
When asked about his mission statement, Supreme replied ,“F-T-W-L-U-L-Z.” Indeed, it was a night of “lols” for everyone who was fortunate enough to witness it.